I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
