Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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