I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
