It's Friday. Sex?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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