Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
