dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
