I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
