I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
