Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
