That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
