I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
