also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Text me some of your sweat
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
