Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
