How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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