Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
