theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
