so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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