You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
