have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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