remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
