dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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