Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he wants to bone in the snuggie
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
