Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I came so hard my ears popped.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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