oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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