Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
