Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
