you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
