Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
