i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
As shirtless as possible
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
