i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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