I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
