...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
