If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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