he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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