the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
