I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
