I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just pee around me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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