I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
