Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
