like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
