Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
