I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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