I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
