I didn't shave. On purpose
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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