So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
