I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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