The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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