I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
