just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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