i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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