just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
