he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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