my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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