you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
