Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
