Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
