i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
