So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
